Every time I get a new follower, my heart flutters a little.
If I could hug each and every one of you...I would.
Except I probably wouldn't.
Because I'm not much of a hugger.
But consider this a virtual "knucks."
Because I really do love you guys. (In a non-touchy/feely kind of way.)
I sat in the same waiting room today.
In the same grey chair.
With the same drab walls.
Sitting next to me were different faces and yet they all seemed...the same.
The clock said 2:30.
My foot was shaking in anticipation...
And because I had to pee. (Grande iced chai w/ add shot goes right through me.)
My palms were sweating because it was a bazillion degrees in there.
But my palms always sweat.
30 minutes later, I was still sitting there.
Whatsherface was in no hurry to see me.
Even though I made an appointment...
Should've known though...
She didn't even show last time.
You'd think they'd give you a phone call or something?
Isn't that an episode of Seinfeld? (I quote Seinfeld a lot...I truly am my mother's daughter.)
But no really. Remember that time when George was charged for missing an appointment?
Why is it okay if they do it, but not us?
Just because they sit behind the desk, they can walk all over us?
Finally, they call my name.
I sit across the desk...
Pull out the study abroad papers...
Cross my legs and proceed to let my foot shake once again.
The perpetual buzz of caffeine and the heat of the room made my head start to hurt.
And basically she said, going to Italy is going to cost you your car, liver and first-born child.
"I'm sorry, what?! My liver?"
"Oh I'm sorry hun, you're right. We're gonna need your kidneys too."
And that's that.
At least for now.
I hate being sad.
I'm no good at it.
I'd rather be angry.
So that's what I am.
I'm pissed that they encourage us to study abroad...to "get out"...and then make it so freakin' hard.
I'm pissed that they were gonna have the audacity to charge me an extra $500 just cause.
(In the grand scheme of price, $500 doesn't seem like much...but again, I am pissed.)
"What are these 'fees' for?"
"Well it's for processing your papers and what not..." (AKA they need to make a profit.)
How hard is it to file some papers?
Chances are, it's gonna be some numbskull undergrad comm major who needs a job to buy jumbo packs of chicken Top Ramen and rent Transformers or some other crap movie, half a dozen times.
So here I am.
Sitting in my apartment...
With no motivation...
And no shows in my queue on Hulu...
Wallowing in my own self-pity.
I can't say I didn't see it coming though.
A part of me just couldn't fully commit yet, because I was too afraid of it being taken away.
Khalil Gibran says, "Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother."
Writers can be so dramatic...